First Do No Harm Page 8

  “Get it together, Pierce. Be cool.” But she was terrible at cool, especially when it came to a girl as perfect as Dr. Cassidy Sullivan.

  By ten that morning, Pierce could no longer contain herself. She had to tell somebody what she was feeling, and the only logical choice seemed like Galen.

  “What are you doing here?” Pierce arrived at Galen’s office door a couple of hours later, desperate to share the myriad of thoughts whizzing around her head.

  “Got a minute?”

  “Of course I do.” Galen seemed to be noting Pierce’s gray hooded sweatshirt and dark jeans. “Isn’t today your day off?”

  “Yeah. I just…I needed to talk.”

  “Sit.” Galen gestured to the large leather armchair across from her desk. “I know that look. It’s a girl, isn’t it?”

  “Am I that obvious?”

  “Only because I’ve seen it before. Every time I looked in the mirror when I first met Ro. Is it Cassidy?”

  Pierce’s heart unexpectedly began to rumble in her chest at the mention of Cassidy’s name. “Doctor McSmokeshow…” Pierce mumbled under her breath.

  “Oh my God.” Galen laughed heartily. “You’ve nicknamed her already? Pal, come on.”

  “Just…help! I’m in a bad way, okay? So if you could keep the teasing to a minimum I’d really appreciate it.” Pierce buried her head in her hands, closing her eyes tight until the darkness began to comfort her anxiety.

  “Okay. I’m sorry. So tell me what happened with…Dr. McSmokeshow.” Galen laughed one more time. “I mean, Cassidy.”

  “We went out last night. After our shift ended, I took her to Mike O’Leary’s. It started off as harmless nachos and talking about the Red Sox. I thought we were just, you know, hanging out. Like coworkers. Except when one coworker is really fucking hot—”

  Galen held up her hand. “Got it.”

  “It was amazing. The best first date that wasn’t really a date I’ve ever been on. And at the end of the night, I kissed her. And she seemed to like it. She seemed to like…me.” Pierce still couldn’t quite believe the words leaving her mouth—a sentiment that would become a theme over the upcoming months.

  “That’s great! I’m really glad you two are hitting it off.” Galen smiled, then looked down at her laptop as if the conversation were finished. But Pierce had yet to even get to the point. She wasn’t sure what the point was, but still, she knew she hadn’t gotten there.

  “It is great. It’s really great. I mean she’s…amazing. I haven’t felt like this since Katie, which is also the single most terrifying thing I can possibly think of. And then there’s Victoria.”

  Galen looked up again. “Who?”

  “You know, Victoria. The other girl I’ve been seeing?”

  “Oh, right. The mousy girl with the short hair.”

  “G, you’ve met her twice.”

  Galen shrugged. “What can I say? She’s a nice girl. Just apparently not that memorable.”

  “There’s still a little bit of an asshole in there just trying to climb its way out, isn’t there?” Pierce shook her head and grinned.

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant I never saw your face light up like this when you talked about Victoria.”

  “That’s so gay.”

  “You are so gay. And it’s true. You’re just this bundle of nerves and dopamine and impulsive decisions right now. I can actually see you planning the names of your future cats.”

  “Shut up.” Pierce slugged Galen in the shoulder, then sighed, defeated. “But you aren’t wrong. God, how can I like someone that I just met so much? I can’t stop thinking about her. All I want to do is kiss her again.”

  “That, my friend, is exactly what it should feel like.” Galen took a sip out of the tiny espresso cup on her desk and nodded wisely.

  “Should I ask her out again? And what about Victoria? I feel so gross dating both of them at once. I mean, I like Victoria and all, but the bam just wasn’t there.”

  Galen looked at her, perplexed. “The what?”

  “You know, the bam. Fireworks? Explosions? Chemistry! The thing that keeps you up all night replaying that moment over and over.”

  “Oh.” Galen smiled. “The bam. I know it well. Look, Pierce. You don’t need to make any rash decisions about who to keep dating. That’s what dating is, right? It’s all about figuring out who you want to try to make it work with.”

  But Pierce knew exactly who she wanted to make it work with. She just felt foolish for thinking it so early on. “I guess you’re right. Thanks.”

  “Just one more thing. Are you sure you want to take dating advice from a reformed playboy? Maybe next time, for your own good, you might want to consider going to Rowan.”

  Pierce laughed, stood from the chair, and reached over the desk to hug Galen. “You’re probably right,” she whispered, and left, knowing exactly what she needed to do.

  * * *

  It had been several hours since Cassidy sent that pathetic, needy text to Pierce, and she had yet to hear so much as a blip from her cell phone. The anxiety was starting to engulf her like a wildfire. And the feeling that followed, one of disappointment, was even more disconcerting. She realized, reluctantly, that she would be crushed if Pierce didn’t want to see her again. How was it possible that she could be so invested, so connected to someone she’d shared one simple kiss with? No, that wasn’t fair. That kiss was anything but simple. It was the kind of first kiss that altered paths for entire lifetimes. She couldn’t downplay that fact, even if Pierce had decided she was no longer interested.

  “Dr. Sullivan.” Cassidy was beginning to get used to the suffix, but was caught completely off guard when she heard the words in Pierce’s quiet tenor.

  “Hi!” The immediate enthusiasm that consumed Cassidy quickly turned to humiliation when she remembered the unreturned message she’d sent earlier. Pierce must have thought she was such an idiot. She was probably just coming through the ER to get her paycheck, or maybe her gym bag she’d forgotten. Cassidy just so happened to be in her line of sight.

  “I’m sorry I didn’t get to text you back yet.”

  “Oh, that.” Cassidy waved her hand dramatically, heat permeating her skin, and she wanted desperately to run. “Just ignore that.”

  Pierce closed the distance between them, standing so close Cassidy could smell Pierce’s faint cologne and signature musk that was already so uniquely her. “That’s too bad. Because I came down here to see what you were doing tonight.”

  “I…”The wind was being sucked out from her lungs, and her vision narrowed into small pinholes. “Nothing. Why?”

  “Well.” Pierce looked away and stuffed her hands in her pockets in what appeared to be a rare moment of uncertainty. “I was thinking maybe you wanted to watch the Sox game…with me…”

  Cassidy wanted to jump six feet in the air. She wanted to run through the ER screaming “yes” until her coworkers thought she was losing her mind and needed to place her in a locked room. She wanted to kiss Pierce again, right then, right there.

  “Sounds great. I’m done here at six. Why don’t you come to my place? It’s not much, but it’s near the park, and we have a great roof deck where you can actually see into Fenway.” Cassidy mentally congratulated herself on keeping her cool at what she considered at least a modest level.

  “You’ve been holding out on me. And here I was thinking I was impressing you by taking you to Mike’s.”

  Cassidy looked down. “You didn’t need to take me anywhere special to do that.”

  “I’ll see you tonight then.” Pierce brushed Cassidy’s little finger with her own until they were locked together for just the briefest instant, but long enough to leave Cassidy burning to touch her again.

  * * *

  The serial monogamist that still lingered inside Pierce told her to keep Victoria around, on the back page, just in case things didn’t work out with Cassidy. But that urge was nothing more than a visceral reaction to th
e fear she might have met someone she actually liked again. Regardless of what happened with Cassidy, Pierce had to break it off with Victoria because she’d never come anywhere close to feeling with her what she was feeling as she dressed to go to Cassidy’s apartment that night. She hadn’t felt this sort of anticipation in over a year and had thought it might have been gone for good. She’d forgotten just how good it could be.

  Pierce’s lingering sense of guilt vanished as she told Victoria the truth over the telephone. She couldn’t keep seeing her. Nothing was wrong, really. Enough wasn’t right.

  Pierce had forgotten how cold it could still be in April in New England. She eyed her warmest winter coat but decided on a thinner, more flattering, but far less practical choice. What was a little chill if it meant impressing Cassidy?

  The ride over wasn’t nearly long enough for Pierce to clear some of the nerves causing her body to pulsate and her mind to run at lightning speed. In fact, the closer she got to Cassidy’s apartment, the harder it was to slow her racing pulse and breath that came in anxious whispers. She wiped the palms of her hands on her jeans and jumped out of the cab at the address Cassidy had given her, all at once wanting to either turn around out of fear or run as fast as she could to Cassidy’s door.

  Several moments later, the door to Cassidy’s four-story building that sat on a side street not far from where Galen and Rowan lived opened. Pierce’s previously ragged breathing stopped altogether as her gaze settled on Cassidy. She wore a pair of dark jeans that hugged her ass so closely it was a wonder she could walk. A white linen shirt fell just low enough for suggestion. And her long, blond hair flowed freely around her shoulders. Pierce was used to seeing her at work, in a pair of wrinkled scrubs with no makeup and a ponytail. It wasn’t that Cassidy didn’t absolutely stun like that, but this was a new level entirely.

  “Hi.” Pierce smiled, hoping desperately that her expression would buy her some time to remember how to speak again.

  “Hey!” Cassidy took a half a step forward, and they embraced tentatively. Pierce didn’t want to push. She didn’t know if it was even okay to touch Cassidy again. But once their arms had locked around each other, it was clear that it was very much okay.

  Cassidy led Pierce up to the third floor. The apartment was much older than Galen and Rowan’s, without the amenities and embellishments. But it also held an old Boston charm like so many of the buildings around the city that had been there for decades.

  “I hope you don’t think I’m a total creep for taking you back to my apartment on our second date,” Cassidy said once she’d unlocked the door.

  Pierce laughed. “Absolutely not.” If she’d had any doubt about the subtext to the evening, Pierce figured Cassidy had just cleared that up.

  “Here. Let me take your coat.” Cassidy held out her arm, and Pierce draped her jacket over it.

  “This is a great place. And you can’t beat the location.”

  “I mean, technically, this is Mission Hill. But if you stand on the roof in just the right spot, you can actually see into the park. The view’s completely obstructed, and if you don’t bring a flashlight you’ll definitely fall down the stairs getting back and break your neck, but otherwise, it’s stellar. Sorry. Do you feel misled now?”

  “Are you kidding? That sounds amazing.” Pierce stuffed her hands into her pockets, wanting to get closer to Cassidy again. She wanted to kiss her again. It was all she’d been thinking about since their last kiss, or first kiss, actually. She just couldn’t tell if Cassidy was thinking the same.

  “Do you want a drink? I bought some hot chocolate and schnapps earlier. Did I mention it’s freezing up there on the roof? And we have to sit on this ratty blanket one of my neighbors stuck up there.” Cassidy winked playfully. Pierce didn’t know her well yet, but she was already getting the sense that Cassidy was the kind of girl who was up for just about anything—bar nachos, grungy-rooftop baseball games, schnapps. Not to mention the blood and guts. Every second with her was already making Pierce long for the next and dread the minute she’d have to leave.

  “You know you’re doing nothing to keep from selling this, right? If you tell me there’s a homeless guy squatting up there, then I’m all in.”

  “There are two, actually. And one has a pet pigeon named James.”

  Pierce laughed. “Well, what are we doing down here then?”

  Cassidy handed Pierce a thermos full of hot chocolate, their hands brushing just long enough to send a blistering heat up Pierce’s arm even in the cold apartment. They stood frozen in the moment just long enough for Pierce to know Cassidy had felt it too, until Cassidy smiled and turned toward the door.

  Cassidy had not been exaggerating about the rooftop. It was small, with a cracked foundation and overgrown vines half dead from the winter winding in and out. A tattered, plaid blanket sat oddly positioned somewhere off to the side with an empty beer can abandoned next to it. Pierce thought it was all very Boston, and she couldn’t think of anywhere in the city, or the world, she’d rather be.

  “Come sit right here,” Cassidy said, walking to the blanket.

  “You sure I won’t get lice or something?”

  “I can’t guarantee anything. But you don’t strike me as the squeamish type.”

  Pierce shrugged and grinned. “You’re right. I’m not.”

  Sure enough, directly over the horizon stood the majestic lights of Fenway Park, as bright as a carnival. Several trees stood in the way, but through them you could make out the large Jumbotron and center field.

  “On a really clear night, you can sometimes see Jackie Bradley Jr. out there running for a catch,” Cassidy said.

  “That may be the sexiest thing I’ve ever heard a woman say.” Pierce sat close to Cassidy, their eyes fixed ahead, but their shoulders and knees touching. Without looking at her, Pierce reached behind Cassidy and gently placed her hand on Cassidy’s lower back. Cassidy inched in closer to her, until her head was resting on Pierce’s shoulder, Pierce’s heart pounding so loudly she was sure Cassidy would hear it.

  The park was too far away to hear the crowds, but Cassidy had brought a tiny radio that broadcasted one of the local sports stations.

  “You know there’s an app for that,” Pierce said, as Cassidy fussed with the dials trying to get a better signal.

  “What can I say? I’m old-fashioned.”

  Pierce smiled but fought a wave of disappointment as Cassidy moved briefly out of her grasp. She wasn’t gone long, though. Once again, she leaned back into Pierce as Pierce secured her arms around her. The feeling of holding this girl was a high—one that even the ER couldn’t compete with. Pierce looked up at the sky. Since she didn’t see any stars to thank, she’d have to settle for the city lights instead.

  By ten p.m. the air had grown nothing less than frigid, and Pierce began to regret her choice of fashion over function. She shivered from the inside out, trying to keep the tremors to a minimum so Cassidy wouldn’t see just how uncomfortable she was. She was afraid to leave the roof. She was afraid to leave that moment. She didn’t know how the next moments could possibly compare.

  “Okay, I have to admit it. I’m freezing,” Cassidy finally said.

  Pierce laughed and rubbed her hands briskly up and down Cassidy’s shoulders. “Thank God.”

  “We can finish the rest of the game inside?”

  Pierce exhaled with a gust of relief at the realization that the night didn’t have to be over yet. After all, she hadn’t even gotten a chance to kiss Cassidy again, yet. Maybe it had been the cold, or the very subtle shyness that Cassidy always exuded, or maybe Pierce was just scared. But the timing had to be just right.

  “Absolutely.”

  Once in the warmth and comfort of Cassidy’s apartment, Pierce took her coat off and relaxed a little. She looked at Cassidy as she scurried around the kitchen to refill their hot chocolate, deciding she would never be anything less than terrified. For just a second, Cassidy stopped what she was doing, seemingly catch
ing Pierce’s stare, and gazed back at her. Her green-blue eyes were soft and welcoming, and the corners of her mouth turned in a coy grin. Pierce smiled back, this time stepping toward her and catching Cassidy’s chin in her fingers, bringing her mouth slowly to Cassidy’s and kissing her.

  Pierce hadn’t known what to expect of the second kiss, if there even was one. She did find it difficult to believe that it could possibly live up to the level of extraordinary that the first brought with it. And yet, there it was. All the bam and then some. As their lips moved, everything around them dimmed until the world outside of that particular moment in time grew blurred and irrelevant. She couldn’t think. And even if she could, she had nothing to think about. Only feeling existed—a complex rainbow layered with possibility and fear and lust and risk and longing. This was the most exquisite jumble of emotions she’d ever experienced. And when it was over, and her legs shook all the way down from her knees, Pierce thought this must be what drugs felt like. She could see exactly why it would be easy to throw your life away for a high like that.

  “Wow,” Cassidy said, her eyes still closed and her mouth slightly ajar.

  “Yeah. Wow.”

  “I don’t know if I can stand up much longer.”

  Pierce laughed, shaking her head. “Jesus, me either. Can we go sit on the couch?” Pierce’s legs felt ready to buckle. But she was also already thinking about kissing Cassidy again.

  “Great idea.”

  * * *

  It was after midnight as Pierce and Cassidy sat on the sofa, talking and laughing, and of course, kissing some more. The Red Sox game that provided the background noise had quickly become the post-game commentary. They laughed at David Ortiz’s strange comments and debated the likelihood of a playoff berth. And then, when they looked up again from whatever piece of conversation they’d become invested in, it was after one a.m., and an episode of Cops was playing. Pierce knew it was late. She knew neither of them really had much interest in Cops, either. But still they stayed, laughing at the drunk woman who reminded Cassidy so much of one of her patients on her last shift and mocking the shortcomings of the criminal-justice system. Pierce couldn’t have even recapped what they’d talked about that night, because it wasn’t just talking. It was being in the other’s presence. It was enjoying someone else’s existence in a way that made her think of anything she could to prolong the night.