First Do No Harm Read online

  “Oh, man, it’s two a.m.,” Pierce said. She was waiting for Cassidy to give her a sign she was ready for her to leave. But that sign just wasn’t coming.

  “I’m not going to lie to you, Pierce. I kind of really don’t want this date to end.”

  Pierce felt a smile materialize, and she placed her hand on Cassidy’s knee. “Me either.”

  “Maybe just another half hour then. Besides, we can’t miss this informercial about the Dr. Ho Belt!”

  A small Chinese man now jumped eagerly around the TV spouting gospel about the magic belt he’d invented that cured lower back pain.

  “I mean, how could we miss Dr. Ho?”

  The perils of a cumulative sleep debt were beginning to catch up with Pierce, and her eyes began to feel dry and heavy.

  “I should let you get to bed,” Pierce said reluctantly, once the clock hit two thirty a.m. The last thing she wanted to do was wear out her welcome with Cassidy. She wanted to leave her wanting more. She wanted to keep Cassidy thinking about her until the next time.

  “You should get some sleep too. But I really don’t want you to…” Cassidy jiggled her head back and forth. “No. We can’t have a sleepover on the second date.”

  Pierce felt a tiny surge of disappointment as she realized she’d been quietly hoping Cassidy would ask her to stay the night. So many of her recent dating endeavors had involved expedited intimacy. And Pierce had decided that hadn’t worked out too well so far. Sex was the ultimate vulnerability. Doing it with someone you didn’t know yet could complicate things unnecessarily. But it wasn’t just sex with Cassidy Pierce was thinking about. In fact, as attracted as she was to her, Pierce felt like she could wait. She really wanted just to spend as much time as possible in Cassidy’s orbit.

  “Of course not.” Pierce laughed. “So, when can I see you again?”

  “My schedule is pretty insane.”

  Pierce’s heart pounded as she heard the words. She knew this was part of the deal. A relationship, if that was even where this was going, with a resident wouldn’t be easy. Pierce was already willing to do whatever it took to see Cassidy again. But she wasn’t sure Cassidy felt the same.

  “I totally get it.”

  “I’m off this weekend though.”

  “Yeah? Me too.” Relief doused any of Pierce’s apprehension. Cassidy was in this too. Already. They were there. Together.

  “I can’t wait, then.” Cassidy took Pierce’s face and pulled her closer, kissing her slowly until Pierce feared she might not be physically able to walk out the door any longer. But finally, she did, leaving the night behind her and an entire future of possibility ahead.

  Chapter Eight

  Cassidy was smart—top of her class at Harvard, high school valedictorian, National Honor Society, president of this and that—and all with the background of nearly endless sessions of chemo and radiation to contend with.

  She was smart. And she was damn sure she was smart enough to know dating someone you worked with was beyond risky. If she’d been asked a month ago if she’d ever consider falling for a colleague, especially in the beginning of her residency, she would have scoffed. Then again, a month ago, she didn’t know Pierce Parker. Cassidy was smart. And she was smart enough to know that all bets were now off.

  Regardless, Cassidy couldn’t help but think that announcing her newfound romance to the staff was a less than brilliant idea. It would be prudent to keep her relationship with Pierce a secret until it had had time to declare itself. She silently scolded herself as she walked into the ER the following afternoon. She had no relationship with Pierce. They’d shared two dates and several amazing, cell-altering, leg-quivering kisses. It was far too early to be talking about labels and commitments and exclusivity. And yet, that already seemed like the easiest place in the word for Cassidy’s mind to go.

  As the automatic doors to the hospital splayed open, the familiar flutter of nerves and anticipation she felt every time she came to work engulfed her. She loved this about the ER. But now, the added element of Pierce amplified those feelings a millionfold. Anything could happen. Everything could change. It already had.

  Cassidy knew Pierce wasn’t on the schedule for the day because, as creepy as it made her feel, she’d checked. Of course, instead of just asking Pierce, she took to stalking the master book kept in the attending’s lounge when no one was looking. That was it. She’d officially reached an entirely new level of crazy, and it was still early.

  Although she enjoyed putting on makeup and a nice dress, before a shift she usually threw her hair into a bun, tracked down a pair of only moderately wrinkled scrubs, and brushed her teeth. She didn’t care. She had no one to impress, and her patients certainly weren’t interested in how even her skin looked that day. That afternoon, she’d followed her usual routine, noting that with Pierce expected to be nowhere in sight, she still didn’t have anyone to pass as more than presentable for. Cassidy’s shift started like a firecracker, with a young man with bacterial meningitis fighting to keep his blood pressure to a sustainable level and a sixty-year-old whose heart had stopped while on an outing with her walking club. By six thirty p.m. Cassidy had already put in two central lines, three endotracheal tubes, and pulled three liters of fluid off an alcoholic’s belly using a large needle. It was a candy store. And Cassidy was on her game like never before. She glided through the department with a confidence, a glow, that even the nurses couldn’t help but notice. Several of the surliest among them had stopped her to tell her she looked unusually chipper. Cassidy would just smile slyly and glide away.

  “Is Pierce here yet?” Cassidy’s ears actually seemed to twitch when one of the other PAs mentioned Pierce’s name.

  “I haven’t seen her,” another PA nearby answered.

  “Sorry, but is Pierce working today?” Cassidy nosed her way into the conversation happening behind her, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible for what was a very conspicuous interruption.

  “Yeah. One of the others banged out sick, so she agreed to come pick up the rest of the shift.”

  Cassidy’s legs misbehaved in a way not altogether different than they did when kissing Pierce, and she steadied herself on a nearby counter. The immediate surge of excitement and absolutely ridiculous childish giddiness quickly shifted to panic as she remembered the train wreck she looked like. In the past, Pierce had seen her without a spot of makeup, in hideous blue scrubs, with hair that said, “I just saved someone’s life, so fuck you.” But things were different now, after the spiked hot chocolate on rooftops, and Dr. Ho infomercials, and kisses that made her forget she’d ever kissed anyone before.

  “Janie, can you cover my patients for ten minutes? I’ll be right back, I promise.” Cassidy frantically pulled her pager off her scrub pants and tossed it to one of her fellow residents.

  “Uh, I guess so?”

  “You’re the best.”

  She took off toward the elevator and pushed the up button several times. As seconds passed, she tapped her foot quickly on the floor, drumming her fingers against her thighs.

  “Come on, come on, come on,” she mumbled. Several other people gathered around to wait for the same elevator to descend, and with that, Cassidy turned and jogged to the nearby stairwell, her jog turning into a sprint up the two flights of stairs to the main entrance and out onto the street. Her sprint continued for four blocks, until she reached the door of the CVS, winded and still panicked.

  “Can I help you find anything, miss?” An older gentleman sat behind the register in the nearly deserted store looking desperate for something to do.

  “No, thank you.” Cassidy walked through the aisles as quickly as she could without drawing too much more attention to herself. Finally, she came across the one she was looking for. She scanned the products for no more than thirty seconds until she grabbed a single tube of mascara, scurrying to the man at the front.

  “Anything else today?” The cashier picked up the mascara, examining it for what felt like hours, tu
rning it over in his fingers and squinting as he tried to read the small print.

  “No, that’s all, thanks.” Cassidy’s anxiety was expanding like hot air inside her as she waited. She needed to get back to her patients. But she was also mortified that she’d been petty enough to run out to buy makeup to impress Pierce.

  “Do you have a CVS card?” The man slowly, meticulously placed the mascara in a much-too-large plastic bag.

  “I don’t.” Cassidy glanced at her watch.

  “Would you like to sign up for one? It only takes a minute, and you get all kinds of coupons and such.” The cashier smiled at Cassidy, and she imagined he was probably a very sweet retiree trying to bring in some supplemental change. But it still took everything in her not to grab the mascara and the mile-long receipt and run.

  “Not today, thanks. I’m in kind of a hurry.” She returned his kind smile, trying not to let him see her nervously tap her thumb on the counter.

  “Of course. You have a wonderful day, miss.”

  “You too.”

  She walked briskly to the door and, once she was outside, broke back into a full run until she reached the ER entrance.

  “What’s in the bag?” Jane, her co-resident, asked once Cassidy had returned.

  “Huh?” She’d been in such a rush to get back she’d forgotten to dispose of the evidence of her embarrassing midday shopping trip. “Oh, just…tampons. Yeah. Tampons.”

  “Is that what you had to run off for? Dude, I have like a million in my locker.”

  Cassidy laughed forcefully. “Whoops. Should have just asked, I guess. Anyways, thanks again.”

  Without waiting for a response, Cassidy bolted for the staff bathroom and locked the door. She uncapped the makeup and painted on a quick layer of brown to her lashes, until she felt a little less like a Gray’s Anatomy/Night of the Living Dead crossover star. When she was done, she took a second to finally get ahold of her breathing again, and left the bathroom.

  Of course she didn’t want to go looking for Pierce. She was already bordering on a new level of crazy and was more humiliated by the second that she’d actually cared that much about what Pierce thought of her. But then she heard Pierce’s voice coming from behind the curtain in room 16. Just what Cassidy had thought. All bets were off.

  * * *

  Never in her entire career had Pierce voluntarily come into work on her day off. But when one of her coworkers had called out that day, she’d almost jumped at the chance to. Cassidy would be there. And even if it meant seeing her in passing, as they brushed arms in the hallway or spoke quietly outside a patient room, even if she just got to watch Cassidy work for a minute or two, it was well worth it.

  The ER was thumping when Pierce walked in, the pulse of the afternoon’s traumas and sicknesses nearly palpable through the department. Mid-April sunshine had welcomed her on her short drive in, and the hint of spring in the air held a promise of everything good to come. Pierce was in the best kind of mood. And not even the saltiest drug seeker could break it today.

  It was only Wednesday, but Pierce had known when she left Cassidy’s in the early morning hours the day before that she’d never make it until the weekend without seeing her again. Torn between gratitude for Jimmy Hames for getting a late-season flu and questioning her sanity for agreeing to work only to be a little closer to a coworker, Pierce gave up on rational thought and hung her backpack on the hook in her locker out back. Her pulse quickened unexpectedly at the thought of rounding the corner and going back into the main department—at the thought of seeing Cassidy again.

  “Margot, how’s the day been?” Pierce exhaled some of the tension out of her shoulders when she saw Margot sitting at one of the computers in the Fast Track. The face of a friend would help ease her nerves.

  “Nuts. I’m glad you’re here. Everyone’s sick as shit today.”

  “You know how much I love sick-as-shit.” Pierce winked and walked off to pick up the next chart on the rack of patients to be seen.

  “You’re kind of messed up, Parker,” Margot called after her.

  A large crowd was gathered around and in room 8. This meant one thing, and one thing only—someone was critically ill. This kind of spectatorship was usually reserved for cardiac arrests and major traumas. Pierce couldn’t help but gravitate toward the controlled chaos, her curiosity always winning out.

  Out of the room spilled respiratory therapists and techs and nurses. The familiar hissing of high-flow oxygen and singing of the monitors echoed into the hall in spite of the surrounding noise. And if she hadn’t looked closely, she might have missed the tiny blond doctor standing at the head of the bed, commanding the attention of every single person there.

  “Let’s get set up to intubate,” Pierce heard Cassidy announce in a voice much louder and more authoritative than she’d anticipated.

  “Are you sure? You know these guys are really hard to get off the vent once they’re on.” Ted Markey, one of the attending physicians, stood off to the side, his large, hairy arms crossed and his heavy brow raised quizzically.

  Cassidy closed her eyes for the briefest of moments. It was so brief, in fact, that Pierce was sure no one but her had noticed. Because no one could possibly have been staring at Cassidy with the attention that she was as she watched from outside the open door. “Yes. I’m sure. He’s been on bipap for thirty minutes now. His repeat CO2 is still 88. He’s not waking up the way I’d like, and he looks terrible. I don’t think we have any other choice.”

  Cassidy was right. Ted was testing her confidence, letting the stress of the moment pile on top of her to see if she might break. But Cassidy just stood up taller, holding an outstretched hand to the respiratory therapist and asking for the laryngoscope. Ted nodded, and Cassidy continued.

  “Get ready with the intubation meds. We’re going to have to go fast here, I suspect. Everyone ready?” Cassidy looked around the room at the faces of everyone on her team. Even the bitterest of the nurses seemed to trust her in that moment.

  Pierce watched until the tube was in and the patient was safely on the ventilator, and the crowd began to disperse. The waiting room was full of people with sore throats and broken wrists and chest pain who needed to be seen, but she couldn’t pull her eyes off Cassidy. Of course, she’d meant to escape before Cassidy actually saw she’d been watching like some kind of stalker. But she caught Cassidy’s sharp, green eyes before she could. Crap.

  “Were you watching me work?” Cassidy carried a timid grin with her as she left the resuscitation room and walked to Pierce’s side.

  “Can’t say I wasn’t…” The color in her cheeks would give away any attempt at a fib. Besides, Cassidy didn’t entirely seem to mind the prospect.

  “And?”

  She took a half step closer to Cassidy until she could feel the heat coming through her thin scrubs. “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

  Cassidy bit her bottom lip and glanced around her as she nervously thumbed her ID badge hanging from her neck. “You need to get your glasses checked then.” She laughed.

  “Just did. Last month. Trust me. I’m seeing everything better than ever.” Pierce raised her eyebrows and flashed a quick smile before taking off.

  “Hey, Pierce?”

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s really good to see you…”

  * * *

  The day wasn’t over yet for Cassidy. But Pierce would be leaving soon. The patient flow had dwindled as the evening progressed, and Cassidy was currently only waiting on the results of an MRI and a phone call back for a very non-urgent consult about a rash. Sometime after nine p.m., she noted Pierce walking toward the break room. As soon as she could, Cassidy slipped away from the main department and to the lockers. The time for worrying about being creepy or aggressive or overly eager had come and gone. And she saw no point in pretending she was thinking about anything other than being alone with Pierce again.

  “All done for the night?” Pierce jumped a little. Maybe she co
uld still turn down the awkward-factor just a bit.

  “Yeah. What a day, huh?”

  “Sorry. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that.” Cassidy kept her distance, standing at the end of the doorway while Pierce pulled off her stethoscope and ID and tossed them into her locker.

  “You kidding? Best surprise of my night.”

  “So I…” Cassidy actually had nothing coherent to say. Only a want, a need that ran so deep words felt petty. In a single second, she made her way across the room, folding her arms around Pierce’s neck and pressing her lips against Pierce’s. It was not the slow, simmering kisses that had existed between them before. Not the smolder. It was heat. Pure, blinding white heat, with nothing gentle or probing about it. Just Pierce’s hands quickly finding their way to the small of Cassidy’s back and under her shirt until her fingers were gripping hard enough to leave divots. Just Cassidy’s mouth opening, willingly, pleading for Pierce’s tongue to find its way through and conquer it. Cassidy’s nipples were so hard under her thin bra they ached, and it took every ounce of her will not to beg Pierce to take them in her teeth. She’d never needed like this. Control was everything to Cassidy, and for the first time in her life, she had absolutely none.