First Do No Harm Read online

  Cassidy didn’t plan to sleep with Pierce that night. In fact, she was adamantly against it. In her younger life, before she came out, Cassidy had used sex with men as a form of protection, never about her wants or needs. Usually, it consisted of some gross boy with traces of a mustache wearing too much Axe body spray shoving his hand into her pants behind the bathroom stall at a school dance. Not anymore. She would never engage in sex for anything again except for connection, and pleasure, and intimacy. And all those things involved trust. That was why she had learned to wait to share those things with a woman and why she intended to wait with Pierce.

  But when Pierce rang her doorbell ten minutes later, standing outside in the late spring sunset, wearing a pair of dark jeans over black motorcycle boots and a T-shirt that stretched over her broad shoulders and chest, Cassidy thought maybe waiting wouldn’t be as easy as she’d imagined.

  “Hi.” She still felt insanely nervous every time Pierce was within a fifteen-foot radius. This wasn’t altogether unusual, given Cassidy’s tendency for shyness, but this was an entirely new level of rattled. Her hands shook in the pockets of her jacket, and her heart, which knew to stay steady even in the face of death, was skipping through her chest like a stone. It was the best kind of fear—perhaps a new norm for her.

  “Hey.” Pierce smiled her big, infectious smile that brought out two charming dimples on either side of her cheeks, and her green eyes grew just enough for Cassidy to notice. She took Cassidy in her arms, tentatively, as if she weren’t sure whether the embrace would be welcome. This was all still so new, Cassidy reminded herself. This was the beginning, the part where no one knows exactly where they stand or what to do. Where no one wants to overstep the boundaries or push the other one away. Where no one wants to get hurt. But she was certainly glad Pierce had taken that risk. Because her embrace was all Cassidy had been thinking about for days.

  And it felt even better than Cassidy had remembered. Pierce’s arms, bare in the unseasonably warm weather, were soft and strong, and they gripped Cassidy with a sense of purpose. The air around them went dry, and a tingle of a thrill ran from where their bodies met all the way down between her legs. Reluctantly, one of them, Cassidy wasn’t sure which, finally pulled away, but they remained connected by their fingertips, which they still kept gently pressed together. For a minute, Cassidy thought Pierce might kiss her again. Pierce’s intense gaze stayed locked on hers, much like it had that very first night after Mike O’Leary’s. Instead, Pierce looked shyly away and took a step back. This might become a battle of introverts, one always leaving the other to make the next move. However, if their last kiss was any indication, Pierce was anything but passive behind the bedroom door.

  Even after two (two-and-a-half?) dates, not to mention months of working together, Cassidy worried she and Pierce would run out of things to say. She worried about the typical awkwardness that accompanied the majority of early dating experiences. As someone generally terrified of most social interactions, this was expected. Typical, even. But not with Pierce. Any fear she might have had about their connection floundering, or even being something slightly less than the fantasy she’d built in her head, tumbled down around her as soon as Pierce was in her sight.

  “Come upstairs.” Cassidy took Pierce by the hand with an unexpected confidence and led her up the creaking wooden stairs to her apartment. The baseball game was already showing on the oversized flat-screen TV on the wall of Cassidy’s living room.

  Pierce took a seat on the sofa, the cushions softening around her like white sand. “I hope you don’t mind being at your place again. I really like it here. Brighton is so…”

  “Full of students?” Cassidy pulled two Sam Adams from the fridge and popped off the tops.

  “Yes!” Pierce laughed. “Honestly, I’m bitter about the fact I have to live there on a PA’s salary. Boston is so ridiculously overpriced.”

  Cassidy brought the drinks to her and sat down, making sure she was close enough to Pierce to allow for some degree of contact. “Try doing it on a resident’s salary. But it is the greatest city in the country, as far as I’m concerned.”

  “I’ve always loved it. It’s always felt like home.”

  “Same.” Cassidy’s mind flashed to summers spent at Boston Children’s Hospital—the smell of antiseptic, the sounds of monitors blaring to the background of some children’s performer singing Disney songs in one of the common rooms, the heat of the city when she was allowed to take walks outside in the hospital garden. It was strange how such a horrible time, a time when she and everyone in her life honestly believed she would die, could be laced with such sweetness. She’d been well-cared for there. And even when the stress grew too much for her parents, Boston somehow began to feel safe to her.

  “Have you spent a lot of time here? You know, before now?”

  Cassidy smiled politely. She wasn’t going into her past with Pierce. Not yet, at least. The last thing she wanted was to be seen as fragile—a ticking time bomb. “Some, but not as much as you, I’d imagine.” Cassidy suddenly foraged for ways to change the subject. “So how come you left Atlanta?”

  Pierce laughed with just a hint of a sneer and scratched her head. “I’d tell you, but I don’t think you’re supposed to talk about your exes on a third date.”

  “We’re lesbians. The same rules don’t apply. Go on. Tell me. You know, if you’re comfortable, I mean.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Absolutely. I like you, Pierce.” Somehow that felt like the understatement of her life. “I want to know you, icky-girlfriend past included.”

  Pierce grinned and shifted closer to Cassidy until their thighs were touching. She slung one arm around the back of the sofa, just behind Cassidy’s head, and Cassidy let herself drift toward her.

  “It was a bad relationship. I gave, and she took. But she was never really in it, you know? Always one foot out the door.”

  “Ah. yes. I’ve had one or two of those myself.”

  Pierce scoffed. “I find that hard to believe.”

  “What? Why?”

  “Who in their right mind wouldn’t be absolutely obsessed with you?”

  Cassidy felt her skin transform from its usual spring pale to a fiery red. “I could say the same thing about you.”

  “Well, Katie was one of them.”

  It was typical of women to carry some degree of relationship baggage with them into the next. But Cassidy took a long moment to search Pierce’s face, seeing just how much this baggage still held claim on her. “Are you…over it?”

  Pierce inhaled thoughtfully, paused, and then nodded with resolution. “Yes. I’ll be honest, Cass. I haven’t thought about anyone, or anything else, since we met.”

  Pierce locked her gaze onto Cassidy’s. One hand moved to Cassidy’s knee, and the other arm, still balancing on the back of the couch, curved around Cassidy, her remaining hand now gripping Cassidy’s shoulder.

  “Yeah. Me either.” Cassidy wasn’t even sure she’d said the words out loud, as they came through only in a hoarse whisper. Pierce tilted Cassidy’s chin between her thumb and index finger, bringing their lips just a breath apart, and Cassidy closed her eyes, waiting. Their mouths met as if by some kind of biological or chemical destiny. Something stronger than either of them could ever be was pulling them incessantly together. The explosion came, this time seemingly more brilliant than the last. Cassidy ran her hand through Pierce’s short, thick hair, grabbing pieces of it as Pierce’s tongue skimmed hers.

  “I really, really love kissing you,” Pierce said between gasps of air.

  “I really, really do too.”

  Cassidy placed her palm on Pierce’s cheek and leaned near again, this time taking exactly what she needed, at a slow, deliberate pace that drove Pierce to grasp Cassidy’s hips and pull her closer, until her legs were wrapped around Pierce’s waist. Cassidy wasn’t going to sleep with Pierce that night. As much as she wanted to, she needed to save that level of intimacy for a later
date. But that was easier said than done when the heat coming off Pierce’s jeans was radiating through to her own center. Pierce’s fingers traced just inside the band of Cassidy’s pants, resulting in no hope for this particular pair of panties she was wearing. Jesus. She couldn’t remember ever wanting anyone so much.

  Pierce continued to kiss her, confidently but with a sense of caution, as if constantly looking for consent. Cassidy liked this approach. She liked feeling in control. Pierce’s hands now dared to venture up under Cassidy’s flowing blouse, gently sketching patterns on the skin of her back until the ache between her legs grew insufferable. Pierce’s touch moved slowly around to Cassidy’s breasts, where she ran just one finger under the cup of Cassidy’s bra and brushed one of her hard nipples. A jolt so strong it threatened to throw her from the sofa rushed through Cassidy. No way would she be able to wait for Pierce. And absolutely everything about that urgency felt right to her.

  Succumbing to the burning in her skin, the throbbing in her chest, the lightness of her head, Cassidy pulled her blouse up and over her head, tossing it to the floor.

  “Is this okay?” Pierce’s eyes held a sweetness Cassidy hadn’t seen yet, only confirming for Cassidy that this was very much okay.

  “Yes. Is it okay with you?”

  “More than okay.”

  No one had ever asked Cassidy that question before. Of all the boys she’d reluctantly given into in her earlier days, or even the few girls as she got older, none of them had asked for permission to touch her. And she had no idea consent could be so incredibly sexy.

  By the time Pierce shifted her body weight onto Cassidy’s, gently pinning her on the cushions, Cassidy was desperate for her. Pierce drove her thigh between Cassidy’s legs, and Cassidy heard herself release a low moan. She deftly unhooked Cassidy’s bra in one smooth flick of her fingers, then propped herself up to remove her own T-shirt. Cassidy took a minute to absorb the image in front of her, Pierce’s toned, taut body every bit as perfect as Cassidy had imagined over and over again. This is the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, Cassidy thought. And I’m in big fucking trouble.

  Now skin to skin, Pierce’s bare chest pressed against hers, the need was excruciating. Everything about Pierce felt so good. A fine layer of sweat built between them as they glided against one another. Pierce’s hand slowly moved to the button on Cassidy’s fly and carefully pushed it through the loop, then moved farther down, slowly rubbing outside Cassidy’s pants with a budding tempo that made Cassidy buck her hips, begging for more, begging for everything. When Pierce seemed to decide she was ready, she dipped the hand inside Cassidy’s waistband, once again slowing her pace to a blinding tease until Cassidy was sure she would cum in the next ten seconds. As if reading her thoughts, Pierce slid first one finger inside her, then a second, as Cassidy thrust against her hand, grasping Pierce’s wrist as she released in waves of white heat that flowed one after another, finally collapsing in a heap of limp limbs and sweat and muscles fully depleted. Pierce smiled and rested her head on Cassidy’s chest, which was still heaving.

  “Wow.” Cassidy was still waiting for her vision to fully return.

  “You are insanely sexy,” Pierce said, propping her chin up in her hand and looking down at Cassidy, who followed with a hearty laugh.

  “Oh, I think that would be you.”

  “How am I so into you this soon?”

  Cassidy’s heart squeezed in her chest and her stomach tightened. “I think it’s fair to say my feelings are way out of proportion here.”

  “Ha. Sounds like an ICD-10 code.” Pierce laughed. “Billing code 10-5J9, feelings out of proportion.”

  Cassidy erupted after her. “One of the small perks of dating someone in health care—they find billing and coding jokes endearing.”

  “Or we just have the same lame sense of humor.”

  “Either way, it works. Look, I’m starving. Any interest in getting pizza delivered? Because no way in hell am I leaving this apartment for the rest of the night. We have to do that at least another five or six times.”

  Pierce leaned down and kissed Cassidy softly, her face reflecting pure contentment. “Pizza sounds amazing.”

  A few minutes later, Cassidy appeared from the bedroom where she’d gone to change.

  “What?” Pierce was staring at her, a sly grin on her perfect mouth that Cassidy was still so enamored with. Cassidy sat on the arm of the sofa wearing a weather-beaten Stanford Med T-shirt over a black satin thong.

  “You.” Pierce shook her head, still grinning. “You are every single bit my dream girl right now, do you know that?”

  Cassidy smiled back. “That may be the best thing I’ve ever heard.”

  * * *

  It had been a long time since Cassidy had experienced one of her nightmares, and she awoke in a cold sweat, beyond embarrassed that it had to happen next to Pierce. She glanced over at Pierce, who was still sleeping peacefully against Cassidy’s shoulder, her mouth just slight agape. Thank God.

  The dream was typical. Cassidy found herself in a doctor’s office, usually one that looked like something out of the 1950s instead of the modern, sterile places she was used to. The doctor, who in this case was one of her old medical-school professors, told her the cancer was back. After nearly nine years in remission, the lymphoma had returned with a vengeance, and she would need to go through it all again—radiation, chemo, surgery. All of it. The fear was so tangible Cassidy still felt it when she opened her eyes. She took a deep breath and exhaled slowly, lying back down and curling up next to Pierce as close as she could without waking her. It was only a dream—a nightmare. She was healthy. And happier than she could ever remember being.

  Chapter Eleven

  The aftershock was unrivaled. Cassidy had never felt anything like it. Even in the wake of her nightmare, she woke up next to Pierce the next morning with a thrill, a stir in her she’d never really experienced before. She couldn’t believe she was lying next to this woman.

  “Hey.” Pierce must have noticed Cassidy staring at her when she opened her eyes.

  “Good morning.”

  Cassidy pulled her knees up and hugged them against her still-bare chest. It was after eleven a.m. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d slept so long—or so well. They’d slept the way new lovers always do—limbs intertwined, heads on chests, each breath in sync with the other. Cassidy couldn’t remember ever feeling so safe, so settled. And now, the aftershock. Pierce wasn’t just a one-off or a daydream. She was real. This was happening.

  “Do you need to rush off? Or do you want to grab some breakfast?”

  “No, nope, I have nowhere to be.” Cassidy decided she’d probably responded just a little too eagerly for her own liking.

  “Great. There’s a fantastic little diner I’ve been to a couple times. It’s only a couple of blocks away. They make great waffles and…” Pierce stopped and glanced at her cell phone sitting on the bedside table. “Well, fuck me. I guess it’s almost lunchtime, huh?”

  Cassidy laughed, leaning into Pierce as Pierce’s fingers gently stroked her back. “I guess so.”

  “So…sandwiches then?”

  “Sandwiches sound great.” Cassidy lifted her head and kissed Pierce’s chin. Really, Pierce could have suggested breakfast, or lunch, or frozen TV dinners. Cassidy just needed more time in Pierce’s arms, with her voice, in her orbit.

  “You know,” Pierce propped herself up on one arm, grinning down at Cassidy, “last night was…wow.”

  “I tend to agree. ‘Wow’ seems to be becoming a theme here already.”

  “It sure does.” Pierce brought her lips to Cassidy’s, the same bolt of heat from the night before setting through her like wildfire. As her mind emptied of everything that wasn’t wanting Pierce, she rolled Pierce over onto her back, straddling Pierce’s narrow hips and planting her hands on Pierce’s chest. She slowly moved her own hips over Pierce’s in small, torturous circles, until the muscles in her thighs tightened and pulsed, dema
nding she move faster until relief came. Pierce moaned in a low, guttural tone that made it even harder for Cassidy to control her tempo. When she didn’t think she could hold on much longer, she slipped her hand between Pierce’s legs, taking back the moment by giving Pierce exactly what she wanted, by taking everything that was hers. Cassidy noted the tension in Pierce’s hips as she writhed closer to her, her breath quickening and the sweat budding over her neck and chest. It wasn’t long before Pierce let out one last moan that sounded like it came from somewhere far in her depths, then went limp.

  “On second thought.” Pierce was panting still. “We could always have something delivered.”

  * * *

  The day had flown by far too quickly. Pierce had noticed this about spending time with Cassidy. Days felt like hours, hours felt like minutes, and minutes felt impossible. Each day simply didn’t have hours to be with her. How could that already be such an issue? They hardly knew each other. And yet, as they sat on Cassidy’s couch, the late-May sun already setting behind the buildings stretched out in front of Cassidy’s living room window, Pierce already dreaded leaving her. They’d had nearly two full days together. They’d walked around the city, had coffee in the park, dinner on the roof of the nearby restaurants. But mostly, they’d stayed in bed. The sex. God damn it, the sex was out of this world. Every little thing Cassidy did was the new sexiest thing Pierce had ever seen. Even watching her get out of the shower and towel off her hair was life-changing. But that all came in second to lying next to her, stroking the soft skin of her stomach or kissing her neck, and falling asleep only to wake up next to that smile. It would be so damn easy to get used to it all.