First Do No Harm Read online

  “Pierce? I’m Dr. Sullivan. You can call me Cassidy.” After several months, Cassidy still wasn’t used to referring to herself as doctor.

  The girl on the stretcher in front of her showed the smallest hint of a smirk, and Cassidy instantly felt as if she was missing something. “You’re a new resident.”

  “How did you…” Cassidy suddenly felt warmth cascading over her entire body as realization struck. The scrubs. Of course. “You work here, don’t you?”

  Pierce let out a charming laugh and nodded. “I’m a PA down here. I guess no one briefed you before you picked up my chart?”

  “You know how ER nurses are…brutal. Anyway, can we try this again?” Cassidy looked down at her clogged feet, took a deep breath, and looked back up at Pierce, whose sharp, green eyes had turned a hazy blue. Her heart caught in her chest for just a moment, and words were nowhere to be found.

  “Pierce Parker. I’m a PA here.”

  “Cassidy. I’m an emergency-medicine resident. A very, very new resident, obviously.”

  Pierce reached out a hand and shook Cassidy’s with a firm, confident grasp. She smiled again, and Cassidy’s belly tightened in a way that was both unnerving and unfamiliar.

  “Did you just start here?”

  “First day.” Cassidy wondered if it was that obvious.

  “Ugh. Hate first days.” Pierce shook her head, and something about her made Cassidy simultaneously nervous and at ease. To be fair, it had been a long time since Cassidy had been with anyone. When her last relationship ended during medical school, she’d thrown herself into matching in a decent residency. Before she knew it, residency had started, and that was all she’d had room for. She’d been on sporadic dates since then. But they were usually with men, and almost always accidental. No way would Pierce know she was gay. No one ever did. Goddamn femme invisibility, she cursed silently.

  “They’re the worst. But so far, this place seems okay.”

  “It’s only April. Aren’t you guys supposed to start in July?”

  “I did start in July.” Cassidy knew she’d have to offer this explanation several more times over the upcoming weeks, given how unusual her circumstances were. “My residency program shut down mid-year. We all got split up, and I ended up here.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.” Pierce smiled kindly. “But we’re happy to have you. Or, at least I am.”

  Was she flirting with her? God, it had been so long since Cassidy had been attracted to anyone, she wasn’t sure she’d even recognize it. No. There was no way. With her long, blond hair, petite frame that hardly weighed over ninety pounds, and tendency for mascara and leggings, absolutely everything about her screamed straight. Maybe that was Pierce’s thing—straight women. Maybe if she knew Cassidy was gay, she wouldn’t be flirting at all. If she was even flirting, that was. Cassidy closed her eyes, trying to quiet the overly analytic noise that always ran at a dull roar in her brain.

  “Thanks. So what about you? Have you been here long?” Good. Deflect the conversation away from yourself. Don’t give yourself a chance to embarrass yourself, Cass.

  “A few months, actually. I just moved here from Atlanta.”

  “Atlanta? What brings you all the way to Boston?”

  Pierce rolled her eyes. “What else? Girl problems.” She immediately looked as if she wished she hadn’t shared so much, and Cassidy relaxed just a little for the first time since they began speaking. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who was nervous without a single seemingly good reason?

  “Sorry.” Cassidy searched desperately for something she could say to let Pierce know she understood. But she was certain that unless she tattooed a rainbow on her forehead, she wouldn’t have any subtle way to tell her. She supposed it really didn’t matter anyway. Even if Pierce knew she was gay, she’d never be interested. Not when she was so cool and confident and good-looking. Not when Cassidy was the living and breathing definition of awkward. “Anyway, tell me what happened to your ankle?”

  “It’s nothing. I twisted it the other night jumping off a swing set like a moron, and my chief is insisting I get it checked out.”

  Cassidy couldn’t help but laugh. “A swing set?”

  “Stupid, I know. I forget I’m twenty-eight instead of eight sometimes.”

  “If it makes you feel any better, I broke my foot last year trying to hop a fence. Let’s just say tequila was involved.”

  “Isn’t it always?” Pierce tucked her chin a little and grinned, and Cassidy suddenly realized she’d been staring at her mouth. It was the sexiest mouth she’d ever seen, which Cassidy found strange, since she’d never really noticed anyone’s mouth before. Pierce had full, pink lips and a set of straight, white teeth with the tiniest gap in the middle. Her smile was laced with a hint of trouble, and two small divots pitted her cheeks when she laughed. Cassidy thought about what it would be like to kiss that mouth—how soft those lips would be and how knowing that tongue was.

  “You know, I’m sure it’s just a sprain,” Pierce said. And Cassidy realized she hadn’t heard a word she’d said.

  “Oh. Yeah. Probably.” She inhaled sharply, trying to pull herself back down to earth where she could be a professional, not some teenage fool with a crush. “Let me look.” With completely manufactured confidence, Cassidy began palpating around Pierce’s ankle, moving it this way and that, until she was sure it at least looked like she resembled a doctor.

  “X-ray?”

  “Already ordered. I’ve gotta go see some other patients, but I’ll let you know as soon as it comes back.” Cassidy stood as tall as she could, wondering if Pierce could sense just how off-kilter she was, even for her.

  “No rush. I’m not going anywhere.”

  “You better not. I know where you work now.” Cassidy winked and then immediately scolded herself for letting her nerdiness show so boldly. She turned quickly, heat cascading across her cheeks. But not before she noticed Pierce smiling at her.

  Chapter Five

  Victoria arrived at Pierce’s apartment a little after seven the next night. They’d planned to have dinner, and Pierce had been looking forward to it. But she reluctantly remembered the eagerness of waiting for her second date with Katie. The first date had been so spectacularly mind-blowing, neither Katie nor Pierce could wait to see each other again. But their schedules had kept them apart for several days, so by the time that night approached, Pierce felt like she was waiting for Christmas Day. Once again, she was reminded that this was not that. But she was looking forward to seeing Victoria, and that was nice enough.

  “Hi!” Pierce stood in the doorway of her building, still in her socks, unwilling to brave the cold spring evening.

  “Hey, you.” Victoria approached, and they smiled at each other awkwardly, finally kissing quickly.

  “Come on in. I just have to put some shoes on, and we can go get something to eat. Are you hungry?”

  “Very. Where are we going?” Victoria followed Pierce down the hall and up the stairs to her apartment.

  “There’s a great Indian place down the street. My favorite taco place is also around here. Can’t go wrong with a good street taco.”

  “I should probably tell you now that I have some food issues.”

  Pierce pulled on one of her boots and tightened the laces. “What kind of food issues?”

  “I’m gluten intolerant.”

  Before she could stop herself, Pierce looked up at Victoria with what she was sure was a face that did nothing to hide her cynicism. After years in health care, Pierce was beyond skeptical about things like gluten sensitivity, certain chronic diseases that had no medical basis, and other hype words. Her reaction had become so engrained in her, she hadn’t had a chance to hide it. “No problem. What do you usually eat?”

  “Oh, I can find something just about anywhere. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Right. Indian then?” Pierce smiled, trying to grossly overcompensate for the near eye roll she’d just offered Victoria.

&nb
sp; “Perfect.”

  Victoria was a great conversationalist, well read, passionate, and, Pierce’s favorite, highly versed in LGBT history and culture. Pierce loved talking with her about Stonewall and gender identity and comparing the brutal beatings in Stone Butch Blues to the current times. Victoria was clearly intelligent. And she was also stubborn. She blamed her Irish heritage, but Victoria didn’t back down from a fight. Pierce could tell already that she could call her out on her bullshit, which was a good thing. She loved strong women. She loved when they challenged her. She loved when they taught her. And Victoria certainly seemed to fill that bill.

  After dinner and several drinks, followed by Victoria nearly wrestling the check away from Pierce, they headed back to Pierce’s apartment. Victoria’s car was parked there, but Pierce also thought, by the way the night was going, it would probably turn into more than that.

  “Do you want to come in?” Pierce was pretty sure she knew the answer by the way Victoria had touched her knee at the bar and run her fingers just under the hem of Pierce’s shirt after Victoria had finished her second glass of wine.

  “Yes.” Victoria put her hands on Pierce’s hips and kissed her, the same hurried clumsiness that had been between them earlier resurfacing. Still no fireworks, no butterflies, no clichéd tingles or light-headedness or shaking knees. But maybe Pierce was putting too much stock in chemistry.

  They made small talk in Pierce’s kitchen for a while, the undertones of what was about to happen painting the walls around them. Pierce assumed it would be up to her to make the move, which was one of the more annoying aspects of dating femme girls. They always expected her to fill the traditionally male roles, when it suited them—making the first move, paying for the first date, holding the door. But the second she brought it to their attention, most of them turned into raging feminists, denying any such thing. Victoria didn’t seem like that type, though. She talked about her hatred for gender roles, especially in lesbian relationships, which was why Pierce wasn’t surprised when Victoria grabbed her face and started kissing her again.

  Pierce stumbled backward through the poorly lit kitchen, bumping into the refrigerator as Victoria pawed at her back and hair. By the time they managed to find their way into the bedroom, Victoria already had Pierce’s shirt unbuttoned. They stopped their kissing to finish undressing. Victoria took off her blouse, then her bra, almost as if getting ready to shower, so matter-of-fact that Pierce felt innately uncomfortable. Sex never made her uncomfortable. Still, it had been so long. And the attention was nice. Maybe she was just out of practice.

  Once they were fully naked, Pierce perched on top of Victoria, kissing down her neck and chest. She traced her fingers down her belly, which held just a hint of roundness, and watched for Victoria’s reaction. Pierce was good in bed. She knew she was. More than a few girls had told her she was the best they’d had. And she humbly credited that compliment to one simple fact—her ability to pay attention. She’d learned to become completely attuned to what each girl was feeling, thinking even. She’d watch their faces, listen to their breath change, their muscles tighten and release. When she did something right, she’d mentally note it for the next time. It wasn’t hard. It was simple trial and error. But she couldn’t get any kind of a read on Victoria.

  As Pierce continued to touch her, trying everything she could think of in her arsenal of skills, Victoria remained content, which was the only way Pierce could think to describe it. She wasn’t panting or screaming Pierce’s name, or even writhing on the bed. She was just…there, probably enjoying herself, but no earth was being shattered in that particular moment.

  After it was over, which was difficult for Pierce to determine since Victoria hadn’t cum, Pierce rolled over onto her back. She had no interest in any kind of reciprocation at this point, her ego slightly bruised and her libido dwindling. They lay under the covers, Pierce feeling vulnerable and exposed, wishing she could find a way to get Victoria to leave. Was this what sex after Katie was going to look like? Passionless, uncomfortable nakedness just begging for an excuse to be over with? Pierce finally had someone new in her bed, and she’d never felt more alone.

  * * *

  “So? How’s the ankle?” Cassidy approached Pierce in the physician work area early the next day with a shyness that made Pierce think she had almost been waiting for her.

  “Totally fine, thanks to your great care.”

  Cassidy’s pale cheeks were suddenly brushed with a faint pink, and she looked at her feet and giggled. “Glad I could help rip you from the jaws of death.”

  “You and me both. So how are you settling in, anyway?” Pierce liked Cassidy, her warmth and a kind of innocence that wasn’t easy to find in the ER.

  “Okay. Everybody seems nice enough.”

  “Look, I know I haven’t been around much longer than you, but if you have any questions about anything or need any advice or whatever, I’m happy to help.”

  Pierce could swear she saw another hint of color penetrate Cassidy’s skin. “Thanks. Maybe you can start by telling me where they keep the good coffee around this place.”

  “Now that I can definitely do. Got a second?”

  “Just waiting on some scans to come back.”

  “Let’s go.”

  Cassidy turned and took a couple of steps, her back to Pierce, who couldn’t help but spend a fraction of a second noting what a fantastic ass she had. Of course, Cassidy was straight. Girls that hot always are. Still, Pierce looked for just a moment.

  Pierce led the way up the stairs to the main lobby of the building and around the corner, where a small café sat tucked away.

  “Now, don’t get too excited, okay? It’s nothing to write home about. But it sure beats that cafeteria swill that tastes like liquid garbage.”

  “I’ll take it.” Cassidy ordered a latte from the woman behind the counter. “What are you having?”

  “Just a medium black.”

  “It’s on me. It’s the least I can do for showing me this place.” Cassidy put her credit card on the counter.

  “Not a chance. You saved my life yesterday, remember?” If Pierce had thought Cassidy might be gay, she’d have been nervous, fumbling her words and filling the awkward silences with petty small talk. But she was completely comfortable. Admittedly, Pierce’s gaydar was pure shit. Really, a girl had to look like her, or be sitting directly between Pierce’s legs, for her to know she was interested. Still, not a single thing about Cassidy Sullivan even whispered queer. And even if it did, Pierce didn’t stand a second’s chance with a girl like her.

  “Oh yes, those life-threatening ankle sprains. Isn’t that what I’m giving up seven years of my life for?” Pierce liked the sass behind Cassidy’s sweetness.

  “Shoulda gone to PA school. I was out in two. Then again.”

  “Ugh. That wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had that thought. I tell myself all this madness will be worth it when I’m an attending with a lake house and a Porsche.”

  “Huh. That’s funny. You don’t really strike me as the Porsche type. More like a sensible hybrid.” Pierce took the lid off her coffee and inhaled, letting the steam paint her face.

  “You’re actually very correct. I have zero interest in a fancy car. But I don’t mind girls who drive them…”

  Pierce’s head bobbed. Had she just heard what she thought she’d heard? Had Cassidy just said “girl”? As in, “I would like to kiss a girl.” As in, “Man, that girl is cute.” As in, “Mom, Dad, this is my girlfriend.” No. Not a chance. Pierce must have misheard her or, at the very least, misunderstood. But she could have sworn…

  What if she had said it? Was Cassidy going out of her way to let Pierce know she was interested in women? Pierce shook her head, reminding herself that she was a solid six or so, but no way would a gorgeous, young, queer doctor look her way.

  “Hey, where’s my coffee?” Galen’s voice broke the clatter in Pierce’s head.

  “I heard they ran out,” Pierce said,
teasing her. “Cassidy, this is my cousin, Galen. She’s a surgeon here.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Pierce watched Cassidy’s face carefully as she shook Galen’s hand. Her cheeks were once again flushed, and her eyelashes fluttered just a little. The cutest, tiniest dimples crested over the corners of her mouth, and she seemed to stick out her chest just a little, angling her body toward Galen’s. Not a slam dunk, Pierce thought, but definitely a hint. Galen probably wasn’t the best reference point, though, since women of just about every sexuality seemed to throw themselves at her. An obnoxious wave of jealousy swept over Pierce, and she tried to brush it off. Of course Cassidy would want Galen. Galen was exactly the kind of woman someone like Cassidy belonged with.

  “Cassidy just started her EM residency here,” Pierce said, deciding to once again ignore the familiar envy that struck when it came to her cousin.

  “Just started?” Galen asked, perplexed.

  “It’s a long story,” Cassidy said, brushing back a piece of stray hair that had fallen and smiling again.

  “Maybe I can hear it sometime. You and Pierce should come over for dinner. I’m sure you don’t know many people in the hospital yet.”

  Pierce cleared her throat, wanting desperately to leave as quickly as possible. Clearly, Galen thought she was primed to play some kind of matchmaker. Pierce was mortified.

  “I’m sure Cassidy’s really busy, Galen.”

  “Actually, I’d love to.” Cassidy grinned coyly, and Pierce’s humiliation turned back to indignation at Cassidy’s blatant interest in Galen. Until she turned that flirtatious smile in Pierce’s direction. “With Pierce, I mean.”

  Words failed her. Breathing very nearly failed her. So Cassidy had said “girl” earlier. And now, it seemed, she was making some version of a pass at Pierce.